Believe women. It seems like such a simple phrase, but to so many people resist the notion, muttering darkly about due process and suspending belief until all allegations can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. But belief doesn’t require absolute proof. If it did, could anyone believe in God? No. They could not.
“It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.” Sally Kempton
There are so many things I wanted to blog about in regards to the whole Kavanaugh national disgrace, but the thing that keeps coming up for me over and over again is internalized misogyny. We all have it, but there are so many women out there commenting about Dr. Ford being a “liar trying to ruin a man’s reputation” that I’ve been pissed off and frustrated.
While the Kavanaugh hearing and debacle has dredged up so many things I thought dealt with or buried in dealing with my own abuse and trauma, I keep remembering this girl in the 4th or 5th grade. I can’t remember her name, and I wish I could because I’d try to reach out to her and apologize.
This girl was 10-12 years old, as was I, and she said that the orchestra teacher had molested her. Ten years later this man was finally caught and arrested. I’m assuming no one believed the girls that came after her, either.
More importantly to this narrative, *I* didn’t believe her.
I remember quite clearly lining up to go inside after recess and me and my bitchy friends were talking about it and she overheard us. She motioned me over and asked if I wanted to know what happened, and I said yes. She told me about this man – who my family nicknamed Chester the Molester a few years after this incident because it became a known secret that he did this – and how he shoved his hand down her shirt.
And being a bastion of hope, kindness, and open mindedness, I went back to my friends and said loudly, “She told me but I don’t believe her.”
I said it loud enough for her to hear and I said it with venom. There is no making this more palatable – I was a fucking bitch to this girl.
Now here I want to forgive my pre-teen self for being an unmitigated bitch. I want to talk about how my grandmother would say – any time she heard of anyone being raped that they should have just kept their legs together. I want to say that I had internalized the culture of disbelief and was just doing as I was taught.
But honestly, that’s all bullshit. This girl – who wasn’t popular and was often alone – told me what happened and I smacked her down for it. I think about this often as I see clips of Dr. Ford’s testimony. The shaking, the voice, and the suppressed panic – this girl exhibited all of this and my bitchy childhood self took it as an indication of someone lying.
So, to this girl – god how I wish I remembered your name – I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you or about you. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you and I’m sorry it took so long for the man who did this to you to get his comeuppance.
I’m sorry I was an asshole to you over something indescribably traumatic. I was shitty to you and I should have led with kindness not viciousness.
Seeing all of the women out there that as grown adults acted the same way I did as kid is pretty distressing. Hearing all of the men out there call Dr. Ford a liar – and after the hearing, I honestly believe people who believe him over her are delusional, a Devil’s Three-way is a drinking game? What the fuck ever, Brett – why on earth would women come forward in this culture?
My hope is that many of the women commenting this heinous stuff are never put in the same situation with a victim I was in or if they are, I hope they reply more compassionately than I did. However, with the way Republican women came out and voted for Roy Moore, I’m not optimistic.
The #believewomen hashtag is moving across the internet and I’ve had even allies come up with problems to this. “Oh, just believe women automatically without any proof or anything?! That’s insane!” Yes, I think you should believe women when they tell their stories, especially since most of these stories are being posted online and they aren’t in a court of law.
If the accused is “innocent until proven guilty” the accuser should also be considered “innocent until proven guilty” but no one thinks this way. Believing women doesn’t mean you get a posse together and go after anyone vigilante-style. It means be supportive to the women in your life and give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t just discount what they are saying as some sort of knee-jerk ingrained reaction.
Every morning, I wake up and use the bathroom, with a black cat accompaniment. Shadow, our aptly named black cat my husband discovered on the side of the road, likes to follow by leading – this means he trots out in front of you and tries to guess which way you are going. When he isn’t sure, he stops right in front of your feet like a very solid, furry wall.
He sits on the sink while I sit on the toilet, and mostly it’s pretty companionable. He can be demanding – he’s trained me to turn on the sink for him so he can drink from the trickle. Or he digs in the sink so I will depress the drain guard and his trickle can become a puddle. If I don’t do these things, he fwaps my face with his tale. Accidentally, I’m sure.
My least favorite game is when he decides that he wants to sit on my lap and chew on my hands. This is a painful game that I don’t find a lot of fun in playing, so lately I’ve just been putting him back on the sink. Today he attacks the crap out of my hands, so I put him on the sink, well away from my hands, so he fwaps me with his tale once, and then looks like he’s going to bite me on my shoulder. I push him off the counter top.
I tell him, as he sits on the other side of the bathroom – out of biting range – looking at me with green eyes full of hurt condemnation, that I am not willing to be bitten this morning. I further remind him that I am larger than he is and that I have opposable thumbs, so he isn’t going to win in a fight and needs to stop trying. I wave my opposable thumbs at him and explain that opposable thumbs will win against biting – simply a matter of size here.
Seeing my lack of remorse, he leaves the whole area. Huffily he walks into the living room and then the kitchen. Then he comes back and acts as if he’s never seen me before. “Oh! There you are, human. Why, I haven’t seen you all day! Please skritch my head. Oh, would you turn on this water tap I’ve never seen before? Oh, thank you.”
This is called “resetting the room” and all of our cats do it. If they get squirted for destroying each other or eating human food they leave the room and when they return, they act as if everything is completely new and fresh. Reset. All memories from a few seconds ago are now null and void as the room resets when a cat is absent.
Will and I read an article a few years back about how it is difficult for humans to remember things as they go through doorways. The more doorways you go through, the more that you will forget what you meant to do. Therefore, you end up tracing your steps back to where you originally had the idea in the first place. We have started talking our ways through doorways (Iced tea, I’m getting iced tea) just to remember what we’re doing.
Cats have no such weakness, but being careful observers of human nature, they have noticed that doorways confuse our memory markers, so if you go through a doorway, the humans will forget whatever kitty transgression has been committed. Thus resetting the room. It doesn’t work, we always remember, but the hopeful look of innocence on cat’s face when they reset the room often does the trick.
This review of “Unleashed” contains mild spoilers, but nothing you wouldn’t find out by reading the movie synopsis on IMDB.
I was sick over the weekend, and we spent the day watching the new season of “Arrested Development” and when that was over, I was grumpy and frazzled. When my depression (grumpy) and anxiety (frazzled) kick into high gear, I prefer to rewatch something familiar. Familiar is soothing. However, my husband was home and likes to watch new things. I decide what we watch most of the time because I’m very much a “mood” viewer and have to be in a certain mood to watch some things.
Rather than tell Will I was frazzled and needed something soothing, I just let him pick something because he doesn’t get a lot TV time and when I’m awake he gets to watch what he wants 80% of the time. I figure I’ll handle my mood and just suffer through whatever horror movie he picks (he likes horror movies and his queue is just full of them.)
To my surprise he picks “Unleashed” a movie he’s been waiting to watch with me. This movie was soothing and delightful and funny and sweet. It was a balm to my frazzled soul – Will couldn’t have picked a better movie for my mood. I told him after we finished watching it that I don’t expect him to read my mind, so it’s always a pleasant surprise when he does.
Enough about me, let’s talk about the movie! First of all, the premise of the movie is a woman’s dog and cat turn human. Kate Mucucci portrays Emma, an orphan with trust issues. One night her door is left open and the dog and cat run away. While they are gone they turn human. Hilarity ensues.
The worst thing to happen in this movie happens in the very beginning. Emma tells her rat fink, live-in boyfriend about this night sky app she’s made. He steals the app and deletes her iCloud (I hissed, “Oh, you bastard!” when this happened, because he didn’t just steal her app, but erased her life, too) before leaving with a suitcase. Emma copes by getting a cat and a dog and moving to California.
Sean Astin plays the cuddly and friendly love interest. He helps her put up fliers. Meanwhile, her dog and cat have decided to compete for Emma’s affection, because they both want to be back inside her home, especially one piece of furniture that is very soft that they like to nap on. The cat tells the dog that they can’t both be with Emma because humans don’t do that for some reason, so they must compete for her.
Justin Chatwin portrays the cat, and he was the highlight of the movie. He gets picked up by a modeling agency, because who better to strut down a cat walk than a cat? He becomes a big deal in a short time in part because he has the haughty and arrogant mannerisms of a cat. Whenever the dog wants to get the cat’s attention away from Emma, he uses a cat toy to distract him.
The dog, portrayed by Steve Howey, is fun and likable and also provides a lot of funny moments. The scenes where he and Chatwin interact alone are some of the best in the movie for many reasons. Both actors really commit to being their animal selves and this works really well for the movie. At one point they gang up on a bully and it’s a lot of fun watching them work together with their very different dog and cat styles.
The entire cast is likable and fun. I won’t go on a rave about how great Sean Astin is in everything all the time, but needless to say I loved him in this. My love for Sean Astin started in childhood and adulthood hasn’t diminished that love one iota. Kate Mucucci is great as Emma because she has an appealing awkwardness that makes you instantly root for her. She’s a great character to watch deal with this craziness and you really want her to succeed. And she does succeed because it is a kind-hearted and lovely movie.
This is a movie I will watch again. It will join my list of rewatchables because I know if I’m depressed, it will cheer me up. I’ve read other reviews that complain that there isn’t enough tension in the movie, but that is exactly what I like about it. This isn’t a tense movie and this isn’t a movie that will exacerbate anxiety. This is a fun, funny little romantic comedy that focuses more on Emma’s life and pets than on the romance.
I give this movie an A and I deeply wish there were more lighthearted, funny movies like this out there.
I’ve been re-watching NCIS lately. The number of shows I can watch without Will is fairly small and he hates procedurals. Meanwhile, I find procedurals entertaining and NCIS doubly so. Below are spoilers for season 4 – since they just finished season 15, I imagine spoilers are ok, but for those who have somehow missed it, SPOILER WARNING!
There is a character on NCIS in the early seasons named Paula Cassidy portrayed by Jessica Steen. For my Supernatural readers, she was in the season 2 episode “The Benders” as Officer Kathleen. I’ve adored Jessica Steen for ages as she manages to be awesome and interesting and heroic in most of the things I’ve seen her in. I still think she made a better Weir on Stargate, but that’s a whole different point.
The point here is that in NCIS Paula Cassidy is quietly badass. Her second or third appearance, while they are hunting for a serial killer, the serial killer kidnaps her. Everyone is panicked and looking for her and at the end of the episode, they reveal that Paula Cassidy escaped and killed the serial killer with her hands tied behind her back.
How kickass is that?
The next time she shows up, her team is killed by a bomb. At the end of the episode she saves the rest of the cast and innocent by-standers by tackling a suicide bomber. She dies.
Now here comes the problem – her death can really be said to have been more about Tony’s emotional journey, something that I dislike because it’s just a little bit TOO Women in Refrigerators. However, the way it is written feels more about Paula than many of the WIR moments often do. She expresses feeling survivor guilt as her team died and she felt she should have died with them. Right before the bomb goes off, she looks up to see her dead teammates smiling at her – this is a touching moment that brings me to tears, but it also is much more about Paula being with her team and being a major fucking hero than it is about Tony.
However, the episode does end with Tony in tears going to his girlfriend.
I love that Paula Cassidy is unabashedly a hero. She is a great character and while she had a great death, I really wish we’d gotten to see more of her. She was confident and capable and moreover, the men around her knew it. Throughout the episodes she’s in she’s funny, fun, tough, and badass. If only more female characters were written as well as Paula Cassidy.
Woke this morning with our black cat, Shadow, stretched out on my legs and feet. I was curled up against a body pillow on one side and Will was curled up behind me on the other side.
When I wake up, I tend to just stay in bed for a few minutes while the cobwebs of dreams clears and I get my bearings. When I finally decide that the needs of the bladder outweigh the comfiness of the bed, I pull the blankets aside and discover Cecil the Orange was sleeping right next to me, completely buried in covers. Had no idea little cat dude was even there.
Yes, I know this isn’t a lengthy blog post, but hey, I work from home and the people I talk to the most are basically cats.
I’m heartbroken that the CW did not pick up Wayward Sisters for next year. This decision doesn’t make much sense to me. The backdoor pilot received intensely great reviews as well as gave it’s parent show a huge ratings bump when it aired.
Furthermore, it continues to trend on Twitter on at #5 since the announcement. This show has a built-in, already fiercely loyal fanbase. It makes no sense that this show wasn’t picked up.
Unless you factor into the equation that it was the only all female led cast – even Charmed can’t boast that it’s only female.
I think rather than take a chance that would have paid off big time over the next several years, the CW decided to continue doing the same old thing. I have to say, that I really think that its reasons for not picking of Wayward Sisters has everything to do with its diversity and nothing to do with how well the show would done.
The backdoor pilot rocked. It was fucking fantastic, and everyone knows it. Now everyone knows that the CW doesn’t give a shit about quality. Although, anyone watching a preview for an episode of the new Dynasty already knows that quality isn’t high on the CW’s list, currently.
The possibility of this show gave so many people hope for a better future, even if it is was only through a television show. It’s heartbreaking and cruel that with the work of so many fans behind it, the CW decided to not go with it.
But hey, I’m clearly not their target demographic. I can’t express how angry and disappointed I am in the faceless douches at the CW. Bad decision, and clearly, one motivated from misogyny. Screw you, CW. Screw you.